Doubt

Lately, I have been having great amounts of doubt as to Sir's ability to be the Dom He wishes to be. I do not like having doubt, and I know that this D/s arrangement is so new, and that we are both learning, and I just wonder where its going from here.

I have read a lot about D/s relationships. Doms not only expect their subs to submit to them, but they also seem to have a tendancy to PROVIDE. Structure, support, pushing the sub to better herself, and yes, didscipline.

I guess sometimes I flip back and forth...some days I want all thise ever day, others I think not. But I won't know, and He won't know, until we give it a real try. Last night he was doing something, perhaps taking the trash out???? And he stopped to explain to me where he was going and what he was doing, and added, "if that's ok with you" at the end. Not sarcastically...he really wanted to know if there was something else *I* needed him to do. This leaves me a little unsettled.

I worry that Sir does not have His own discipline to be able to set structure and stick to it. I worry that He doesn't know what's best for me, and how best to achieve it. I worry that He doesn't really care much one way or the other. He doesn't push me to improve or challenge me, he supports and encourages...in the sense of "if thts what you want to do I won't stop you," kind of tone.

I read an ad on Craigs List a few days ago, about a Dom looking for a new sub. It was long, and very descriptive, but it made me realize that I wanted a Dom like "that guy" - at least on paper...at least I think so (I don't know, I have never done this before!)...

We have been talking about Him finding a mentor, but I just feel like He is not very dedicated to this new arrangement. I don't know, maybe its just me not being satisfied, as usual, with things in my life.

I know that I asked for this, but I guess I just envisioned more than having to supress my (strong) opinion, getting dirty looks when I crack a joke or get feisty, and periodically get called "pet" and if I am lucky Sir might touch my skin or give me some affection.

Hopefully the reading we are both doing, and the people we are staring to meet, will help us both figure nout what we really want out of this. Sir asked me the other day if I thought He was a good Dom. I think he has the potential to be, but it is going to require work, dedication, stick-to-it-tiveness, and a loving, caring strenth that He is not used to demonstrating. Is He up for these changes? I don't know. I am up for finding out, though, because I believe that we are the right path for happier times in our marriage.

me